Occasionally it does the soul good to raise the Andy Rooney mask up in front of one’s face and shake it back and forth. 

The English language, it seems to me, has been afflicted with a disease that I christen “syllablism.”  It is the opposite of racism or sexism in that, rather than discriminating against something, syllablism in modern language discriminates in favor of useless, extra syllables.

For instance, somewhere along the way the perfectly useful word “active” became “proactive.”  The simple “preventive” oddly became the bloated, pretentious “preventative.”  A situation is no longer just a “problem”; it is “problematic.”  It’s not good enough that they’re “facts”; they can be ratcheted up or down by the media to the status of “factoids.”  Some no longer embrace a “method” to process information; they have to explain their “methodology.”  It’s not “curing”; it’s “curative.”  It’s not “new”; it’s “new-fangled.” 

And, although it’s a bit off-kilter to the above examples, folks do love their “irregardless” -- “regardless” of the fact that it is not a word!

These useless, extra syllables give the appearance of substance without actually imparting any real value.  You could even argue that they represent a refutation of Einstein’s theory of relativity; i.e., not all mass can be converted into energy.  Some of it just sits there.

In somewhat the same vein, when did we decide that it was acceptable to replace a word with a longer version, to in essence sound smarter … only to change the actual meaning of the word?  Take the word “attorney” versus “lawyer.”  Simply put, they don’t mean the same thing.  Anyone who has passed the bar is a lawyer, but an attorney needs a client.  The word implies a relationship.  There are thousands of lawyers who do nothing all day (How many of you wanted this sentence to end there?) apart from research, but, still, they call themselves attorneys.  Why?  Because “attorney” is a three-syllable word and three-syllable words sound classier than two-syllable words.

See what I mean?  Syllablism, plain and simple.  The fancier the word, the more weight we think it carries.  Consumers pay attention to more bling, and products must be new and improved and super sized to get us moving in desired directions.  Syllablism is the embracing of bigger words because bigger is better.  Syllablism is also pretentiousness at best, bordering on pompousness.  And, sadly, this partiality for bigger words doesn’t always equate to the proper use of such words -- or even real words at all! 

I’ll close with thought-provoking quote from George Orwell's "Politics and the English Language" (1946):  “Bad writers, and especially scientific, political, and sociological writers, are nearly always haunted by the notion that Latin or Greek words are grander than Saxon ones, and unnecessary words like expedite, ameliorate, predict, extraneous, deracinated, clandestine, subaqueous, and hundreds of others constantly gain ground from their Anglo-Saxon numbers.”

Be watchful for creeping syllablism in your copy!